Paying Respect
by Tomy
Summary: Buffy asks to visit an old friend on a special anniversary


Author: Tomy  
  
Title: Paying Respect  
  
Rating: PG - if that  
  
Disclaimer: The usual - Joss Whedon owns 'em, I'm borrowing 'em. He makes the big bucks, I get a little fun.  
  
Spoilers: I'd say most of second season and hints to the movie. Takes place sometime in later third season, after everyone has accepted Angel's return.  
  
Archive: Anywhere, just let me know.  
  
Feedback: Please send to brdf@sympatico.ca  
  
Summary: Buffy asks to visit an old friend on a special anniversary  
  
Author's Notes: This is my first attempt at a Buffy fic. I'm a big time B/A shipper, but my muse dropped this in my lap instead. All comments are appreciated - I'm willing to learn.  
  
Paying Respect  
  
by Tomy  
  
"Giles, can I ask you a favor?"  
  
He looked up from the book he was perusing, baffled by her shy approach and tone. "You can ask, I can't guarantee anything though." He waited, leaning on the library counter while she sorted herself out.  
  
"I.... I'd appreciate it if you could drive me to L.A.."  
  
"Los Angeles? Whatever for?"  
  
"There's someone I'd like to visit."  
  
"Buffy, I'm not sure what this is about..."  
  
"Giles, please. You'll understand when we get there." She paused, glancing back up at him.  
  
It wasn't like her to beg, not like this. Concerned, he conceded. "Alright then." He watched as her shoulders sagged in relief. "When would you like to leave?"  
  
"Tonight?" His expression changed, she continued before he could protest. "It'll only be a short visit." Her voice dropped, sounding very melancholy.  
  
"Alright," he nodded.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
It wasn't the energetic response he was expecting, which in turn raised his concerns up another level.  
  
**  
  
The directions she gave him baffled him, taking them straight through the city and across into the suburbs. The drive out was in silence. Comfortable as he may be with her; the protective side of him, the side that _knew_ her, constantly checked to make sure she was fine in the seat beside him. She remained quiet, other than softly spoken directions once they entered city limits, her elbow resting on the door, her head in her hand as she watched the scenery drift past in the darkness.  
  
Why she had asked Giles, she would never be sure. She only knew she had to do this. It had been too long since her last visit. Glancing over at him in the dark interior, she realized why she had asked him, why trusting him came so easily to her. His eyes shifted from the road to meet hers and a small smile was shared between them. Her concerns of offending him with this dissipated.  
  
*  
  
"Did you know him?" Buffy knelt before the small plaque marking his grave.  
  
"No, sadly. He was American trained."  
  
She nodded slowly as she reached inside her backpack to pull out the small blue rose. "We had such a shaky start. I fought so hard against him, more so than I did with you." She heard her Watcher's chuckle as she gently slid the stem of the rose into the dirt beside his grave.  
  
'Merrik' was all the stone said. She ran her hand over it once she was sure the rose wouldn't blow away in an errant breeze. She hadn't known what to tell the police that night three years before. Looking back, she was ashamed at her own inability to give her first Watcher a more dignified burial.  
  
"I was so scared, so stupid back then. He died for me and I didn't even understand why."  
  
"Buffy..."  
  
"No, don't," she quickly interrupted. "You can't absolve me this time. He tried to teach me; I wouldn't listen. I just wanted my life back. I wanted my parents to stop fighting, I wanted what my friends wanted, I wanted to stay naive. He wanted me to forget my life, Sacred Duty and all being more important than school and friends." Pausing she looked up at Giles. "If I had listened to him, respected him, I might have been able to save him."  
  
"Do you honestly believe that? With everything you've experienced in the past few years." She made a confused gesture. "You've spoken with Kendra and Faith, you know what the Council believes is best for the Slayer."  
  
"No friends, no family, no distraction." Her voice had an underlying defeatist tone.  
  
"And you've disobeyed them all." There was smiling affection in his voice, enough for her to chance looking at him as he stood over her. "Look at the results of your actions. Not only have you overcome specific prophesies, you've become far stronger."  
  
"He was so distant all the time." Her eyes shifted back to the grave. "I know he cared in some way..." She couldn't prevent herself from comparing them, if only subtlety  
  
"We are instructed not to become emotionally attached to our Slayers." Giles chuckled ruefully. "I never understood the logic." He let his gaze follow the movements of the young woman whose life he guided. "They take the girls from their families, distance them from anyone or anything other than their assigned Guardians and expect neither to care for one another."  
  
Buffy twisted to face him. "You surprised me, right from the beginning." She took an odd delight in Giles' surprised expression. "Merrik enjoyed being a Watcher, but you, you're passionate about it. I respected that right away, before I had a chance to know you." Her eyes dropped to the grass beneath her knees. "It was easy to like you, to forget the 'Sacred Duty' crap when you spoke. You made it a way of life, not a job; something to be proud of, to be proud of myself."  
  
Giles crouched beside her, eager to hear her express herself, more than willing to break down the few walls that separated them. "You made it easy to be energetic. I've read the Watcher Diaries, read how the girls became disheartened by their Duty; you never have. You maintain a very bright light, which is something Angel brought to my attention."  
  
"That night, after Angel changed," she broke eye contact, embarrassed by what she was about to reveal to him. "When you dropped me off, what you said to me...." she raised her eyes again to meet his in the dark, "You have no idea how much that meant to me. How much I needed to hear you say it. I hadn't felt a father's love in a long time."  
  
"You have my respect, and my love; I'd be proud to have you as my daughter." To vocalize his feelings now came easily, despite his deeply hidden fears.  
  
"Is this a private party, or can anyone join in?"  
  
Giles startled at the interruption, while Buffy's smile grew. "I'm not even gonna ask how you got here," she commented standing up, watching him take the few remaining steps to them.  
  
"I thought you'd want to be here tonight." He offered as an explanation. She happily stepped into his embrace, cherishing the close, secure feeling she had with these two.  
  
"Angel," Giles greeted him with a friendly handshake.  
  
Leaning into Angel's side, she motioned to the grave with her head, "Did you know him?"  
  
"I saw him the day you were called, and a few times afterwards, but we never spoke."  
  
"He was good to me, good for me, but he deserved better." Taking a deep breath, looking at the two men standing with her, "Would you mind if I had a minute?"  
  
"You sure?" Angel asked, though already stepping back.  
  
With a curt nod, she waited until they were out of earshot, standing beside Giles' car.  
  
Slowly dropping back to her knees, she reached out, running a finger over the pale blue-lavender pedals of the rose leaning over the stone. "I know I'm one for flippant remarks and quick anger. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry, and to thank you for helping and putting up with me." She paused, glancing over at the two men standing comfortably together in the lamplight before bringing her attention back. "I meant what I said to Giles, I wish I had understood what you were trying to tell me; maybe I could have stopped what happened that night. Though, if I were to be completely honest with both of us, I wouldn't change what I have now. I love Giles, he's my rock, my father figure. And Angel, even with everything that's happened between us, he's the only one I can completely relax with, that I think really understands me." She looked back over towards the car, unable to miss the worried expressions. She smiled in return, comforted by their concern. Her fingers trailed over the lettering carved in the stone. "I won't forget you."  
  
Standing she quickly made her way across the grass, back to the warm safety and acceptance that the two men in her life represented, despite the reasoning behind their continued involvement in her life.  
  
fin September 29, 2002 


End file.
